personal goals | Oberfeld Coaching

Don’t Let Fear Take the Wheel And Steer

Naheed — Tue, 11 Feb 2020 17:24:23 +0000

The last few months I’ve been speaking to many people about their goals and dreams for the New Year and beyond.

Unsurprisingly, many of the goals are related to their professions – pass industry specific tests, get hired for that reach position, or attract more clients. The common theme for all of them, however, is to feel confident and truly recognize their own value and worth. After all, how much money are you leaving on the table because you lack the confidence to raise your prices or ask for a raise or promotion?

In my talks I’ve discovered an interesting dichotomy. Every single person has experienced a certain level of success. Then something either derailed them or they hit an invisible upper ceiling which they don’t know how to break through.

Many shared stories of struggle and heart-break – some they’ve overcome and others they are still dealing with.

And then we reach the crucial point in my conversation with them.

I ask, are you ready to move forward and shed those old limitations? Initially the answer is always an enthusiastic YES. But as the conversation progresses and they realize they have to commit, be it time, money, and energy, a strong yes turns into a weak no.

The reasons provided are varied…

Not enough money – this is especially heart-breaking because nothing changes until they commit to releasing their limiting beliefs. (My program has helped clients go from contracts averaging $15,000 to $140,000!)

Not enough time – this generally indicates that you’re spending your energy in areas that do not support you. Are you taking on responsibility for EVERYONE else? The sad truth is you will eventually feel it physically.

Uncomfortable emotions – so many of us avoid feelings that are difficult. It sucked feeling them the first time, so why would you want to feel them again? Because the ONLY way to truly be free of them is to stop suppressing them. Otherwise their ugly heads will constantly pop up at the most inconvenient times.

but in truth this is only one culprit…

FEAR

Change impacts the core of our self-identity. And when that is threatened, it will throw up every obstacle to keep you in the status quo.

What are you holding onto that’s keeping you from your best life? My mentor, Theo, says if not now, when? If not you then who?

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My Best & Worst Client…

Naheed — Wed, 18 Sep 2019 20:14:33 +0000

…is ME!

It’s no surprise that as coaches we first have to learn the lessons that we teach our clients. And some lessons take an awfully long time for us to learn.

I talk a lot about being in “vibrational alignment” with what we want. In simple terms it means, is there a part of us resisting what we want to create? It’s usually a small piece that’s digging his or her heels in and refusing to budge because that part feels safer in the status quo, even if we really want to move forward.

Case in point: a few months back my husband and I upsized from a condo to a house. We planned and talked about a house for years. This year we finally took the plunge. Our new house even had a (seasonal) lake view, something high on my priority list and no easy feat in my landlocked county.

And the strangest thing happened. Instead of jumping up and down for joy I felt…anxious? Apprehensive? Maybe even dread! My friends and family couldn’t understand why I wasn’t more excited, and I couldn’t explain why I felt this way.

After a couple of months I decided it was time to turn my frown upside down. I turned to my trusty EFT/tapping to uncover what was really going on. I quickly realized that I was following the classic trap that Abraham Hicks talks about…

I had not completely stepped into the bigger, more expanded version of what I had become. In other words, my dream felt too big, which translated in me feeling the house was too big, too extravagant.

I was somehow not worthy of it and I felt more embarrassed by the grandness of it then ecstatic that we got what we wanted.

Guess what? That happens. We are human and sometimes we manifest something that feels even bigger than our original desires, which means we energetically (emotionally) withdraw. My message for you today is that it isn’t “bad” to withdraw, but it does not serve you to stay stuck in that place of withdrawal.

What area in your life do you feel you have withdrawn from your creations because it doesn’t feel comfortable?

How much is it impacting you? My guess is it’s more than you think. It certainly was for me.

The post My Best & Worst Client… first appeared on Oberfeld Coaching.

Which End Of The Mindset Seesaw Are You?

loebigteam — Thu, 15 Sep 2016 11:50:55 +0000

I’d like to share a story about a young boy who I knew in junior high school over 20 years ago, Richie P. We were in the same English class and he was assigned to sit next to me. As soon as I saw him, I knew he was trouble. He had long hair and wore torn jeans (80s style) and in my short life I had never met somebody like him. He just looked like a boy that I should stay away from because he was probably mean and not well behaved. In short, I was intimidated by him.

I only spoke to him if I had to and I avoided eye contact as much as possible. One day, after we completed our writing assignment, Richie reached over and picked up my paper and announced that he would hand in mine as well. I was so flustered because in that one moment of kindness my carefully crafted story of Richie was falling apart. I went from being afraid of him to being his biggest fan. In fact we talked so much that our teacher had to separate us.

After that one semester, our paths diverged and I did not see Richie again until high school. I could tell that his life had not gone well. He was probably dealing with difficulties at home, which is generally the case when kids take a left turn. And that led him to associate with a certain group of people and this once sweet, kind kid was now considered a trouble maker. I sometimes wonder if his life would have turned out differently if he would have had someone who believed in him and encouraged him.

You see, no matter how insignificant we may think we are; our interactions have a tremendous and powerful influence over others. I bet Richie had no idea that his one small act of kindness made such a huge difference for me.

However, my story does not end here. Imagine for a moment, if one interaction, or a series of events, or even a situation that lasts a few years is so impactful, what do you think would be the power of something that is with you every single day of your life – your interaction with yourself? I’m talking about the constant mind chatter that you say to yourself. Especially when you are disappointed, anxious, or stressed.

No matter how self-possessed we are, each and every one of us has a ready list of things we say to ourselves when we attempt to accomplish our big goals. As a coach, I often hear some version of I’m not experienced enough, smart enough, knowledgeable enough and so on. We are so used to this mind chatter that we often don’t realize that it colors every aspect of our lives: the magnitude of what we think we are capable of achieving, what we believe we deserve, and how much we are willing to allow into our lives.

The interesting thing is that as we work to clear the litany of yeah-buts that crop up, we feel empowered and inspired to act upon the circumstances and situations that present themselves. All of a sudden, we notice connections that lead us down a promising path or resources that support us, and life flows more joyfully.

In closing, I am reminded of one of my favorite quotes by author and mountaineer William Hutchinson Murray “…the moment one definitely commits oneself, then Providence moves too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one’s favour all manner of unforeseen incidents and meetings and material assistance, which no man could have dreamt would have come his way.”

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Michael Phelps’ Top Five Tips to Mentally Tune Himself For Success

loebigteam — Fri, 15 Jul 2016 12:06:15 +0000

Everyone wants to be more successful, right? No matter how we define it, each of us has goals that we want to achieve. How confident are you that you will meet them, especially the big scary ones that bring butterflies to your stomach.

If you are like me, you love hearing about the accomplishments of others, but walk away thinking that is not for me. This time however, I paid closer attention to an interview with athlete extraordinaire Michael Phelps and John Fortt, CNBC host. As a coach who spends a great deal of time working with my clients on mindset, I wasn’t surprised that Phelps said for a swimmer, natural ability just doesn’t cut it. He explained that he also had to tune himself mentally. This is something he was taught at a very early age and unarguably all kids would benefit from learning.

This reminded me of a weekend retreat I attended where we were given an opportunity to scale a 25 foot climbing wall. No big deal, right? Except that I was freaking out that I would not be able to make it. I had my usual excuses; I had never attempted this before, I did not have the necessary skill, and I was afraid I would fail in front of friends and colleagues. So I decided to put all my skills and tools to the test. I spent the entire night visualizing myself over the wall and my mantra was a riff on Nike’s slogan. I CAN do it, I AM doing it, I HAVE done it! Needless to say, I barely slept that night because I was continually repeating my battle cry and visualizing myself over the wall.

Climbing the wall was probably one of the hardest physical challenges I’ve endured. Every time I got half way up I missed the next step and came crashing down, swinging hard against the wall. I wanted to give up and tell myself I had made a valiant effort, but I could not stop thinking I AM over the top and eventually, after about 20 minutes (it felt much longer) I reached the top.

My fingers were frozen stiff from the cold and numb from grasping. My legs were bruised from repeatedly slamming against the wall and were shaking from the exertion, but I finally made it over the top!! Once I reached the summit I was reminded again of something I teach people. The single most important quality to cultivate success is not being smart, experienced, or having the right situation and circumstances. While these conditions may seem important, they are simply mind games we play with ourselves that keep us from our full potential. Skills will be learned and knowledge will be gained over time. Instead, we would do well to train our brain and emotions to anticipate and experience success and tune out debilitating self-doubt and our litany of “yeah-buts.”

Even though most of us are not aiming for world domination in swimming, Phelps’ tips and “mental exercises” for success are applicable to all of us in our everyday lives:

Articulate Goals – All successful people report they write down their goals. Phelps stated he kept his on his night stand. I recommend that you spend a few minutes every day (preferably at the same time each day), writing down your goals as though you have already achieved them. This simple exercise is a powerful way to train your brain to expect success.

Decide To Be The Best You – Phelps did not want to be the next Mark Spitz, former swimmer who held the previous world recorder holder in seven events. Instead he wanted to be the best Michael Phelps. Once you have identified your goals, imagine that you have accomplished them. How does that feel? What does feeling accomplished look like for you? Does it make you excited, eager, or motivated? Regularly tuning into these emotions as you work to accomplish your goals will help energize and remind you why this is important to you.

Eliminate Can’t – Phelps said one of the keys to him being so successful is that at an early age a coach of his encouraged him to stop saying “can’t,” which allowed him to broaden his mind and believe that he could achieve whatever he wanted to. One of my coaches encourages us to replace “can’t” with “not yet.” This allows us to entertain the possibility that it can happen.

Set Lofty Goals – Phelps said that as a kid he would think and dream as big as he possibly could. So go ahead and test yourself! You will never know how far you can go unless you give yourself the permission to go big. Author Albert Camus famously said “What we can or cannot do, what we consider possible or impossible, is rarely a function of our true capability. It is more likely a function of our beliefs about who we are.”

Seeing The Darkest Of The Dark – As we experience life we become aware of both the light and dark aspects within us. Phelps talked about learning things about himself that he never knew or even wanted to know. His life changed for the better when he acknowledged the parts of him he did not feel confident about or particularly like. Looking back, he said his friendships are stronger, family is tighter and he is happier. Recognizing and coming to terms with that unwanted part of ourselves, instead of avoiding or repressing it, helps us become more comfortable with who we are. This frees up our creative energies to accomplish more and enjoy life.

Naheed Oberfeld

www.OberfeldCoaching.com

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